Thursday, November 22, 2007

The Day I Lost Mom

The day was so much different for me . I (being the busy girl I am , wasn't spending enough time with mom on visits , but that morning I did . I had gone to bring her a gift , and had a really , really good visit! I had made her laugh real hard , all it really takes is a "spunky mood " and less than 2 lines from her favorite classic Bill Cosby's "Himself" stand up skit ..... so I had her giggling and laughing the last time that we spent ....together with her health. I went about my day ,planning to see mom again when I dropped my sweet son off to sleep at her house that night ( I am care giving a night-time client right now ) ,as I rushed off to work. Earlier that day she had asked me to make other arrangements for Devin if I could because she was sort of feeling "not too hot !" and I could tell that it was in many ways . I wasn't able to get any other help that night (thank you goddess!!) , and any of you who know me and Dev ,knows that I think that if some one is sad that you just need to spend a couple of hours with my son , and he will always cheer you up!!! Well it works for me! So I had to tell mom that I would bring him by at about 8:30 pm , which is an hour earlier than usual . We got to moms at about 8:25 , I kissed them both , and ran off to work . I only got about 5 or 6 minuets away when devin called ,and I heard him asking mom "what should I tell her?" , he than said "mom 1/2 of gramma"s face just fell." I quickly turned my car around , only being 8 or 10 blocks away I got there fast , as I ran into the apartment Devin was trying so bravely to help her get her shoes on , we where able to get her into the car and get down to urgent care in less than 5 minuets ,( mom place was on 15 and willamette )I left mom and dev in the car while I ran in to get a wheelchair and ask for some help. I ran in screaming that my mother was in the car, having symptoms of a stroke, and now looking back ,I really don't know how I knew that having never been around anything like that ,instincts are funny that way . Thay immediately told me that thay don't have hospital facility's and that I needed to get her to sacred heart (only about 10 blocks away) I asked if I should call for an ambulance or drive her myself , that said it would take them up to 10 minuets to get to us , so I ran out the door ,got into the car ,turned around ,and dialed 911 to tell them that we are on our way ....... and to help! as we got closer to the hospital ,mom was starting to have more trouble talking and I was scared , and trying to show a brave face for both mom and devin . We pulled up to 13th and could see it busy with an accident , we learned later that it was the hit and run victims ,one of which was a fatality. I had to leave dev in the front waiting room , and he was so brave!!! As soon as they took her back thing started to get more scary and I was thankful that dev was not there . they had paged the brain surgeon and I had some how managed to call my sister, and my best friend Ana to come quickly (of course I didn't think to have ana pick up my sister ,as they live near each other , no poor Cherie had to catch the bus!!!nice Elana!!) during that time I did my best to keep mom relaxed ,as we all know mom hates hospitals! I had her do some breathing , which was the only thing relaxing her. The doc came in , took me out into the hall .... you know , like we see in the movies , when the Doctor takes the frightened loved one to tell us that ......... things don't look real good for mom in the way of trying to operate , as she didn't think that it would be able to fix anything .I think that was my first true moment of being numb. your feet feel hot ,and you get dizzy , than a natural numb comes over you it won't hurt so much. the next 2 day seemed like weeks , the not knowing , if she could recover enough for us to keep her. As Cherie had said , mom never left us to wonder what to do if we had to choose for her. At one point ,when she started to get scared of her own situation , I was about 16 , and she said "Elana YOU are my youngest child ,and I know that you will never leave my side , Cherie and Adam may be living other places.... YOU NEED TO PROMISE ME THAT YOU WILL NEVER LET ME LIVE IN MY BODY IF IT DOES NOT WORK , you need to be my mouth if I cannot !!!" So it was pretty fresh in my memories , the clarity of what she wanted out of us as her children . On Adams ,when the Doctor told us that we would have to "tube" her for feeding because she was no longer swallowing, at that moment I was thankful for mom's words so loud in my head , and as he waited for us to respond , and the three of us sat shaking our heads , no one would say it out loud . I finally said "no , mom told us all.........." and than after a minuet went by I finally said "right you guys!?" just so that they would say it too! after a bit they both spoke up and said the same thing..."no" I think that it was a little more fresh in my mind , those words! from mom , so loud in my head , and I am thankful now , I knew without a doubt in my mind what mom wanted , and that brings me an amazing amount of peace to my heart. As we
worked to keep mom comfortable , the next 5 days were spent trying to sit and hold her hand , and smell her hair and telling her what an amazing mother she has been to all of us!! The Friday that she passed I felt it coming ,I called Ana to ask when she would be in , she responded that she was going to wait until she was needed (as Ana had been involved in helping us with the 24 hour care to be with mom), I paused and told her that I felt strongly that today was it, and she came right in , I told my courageous son that he need to go with uncle Dennis , as Devin had not really left the hospital since we first brought her in almost 8 days earlier. I took him home made him take a fast shower , ran him to where his uncle was , and than anxiously drove back to the hospital ,I ran up to the elevator , a girl that I know ,who has no family is struggling with choices for her mom, I interrupted her and told my mom needed me , as I ran into the room , cherie pointed ,and I knew ,I said "when" she responded NOW!!! we each had one hand as we fell on her to cry and pray and thank her one last time for sharing her life with us!! samantha had told us as the light took our mother from our arms to hers ! the magic of that moment is something I am still searching for words to explain ,we felt that light... we got see our mother through to the very end . And our family is so special , we are thankful to have each other , and the beautiful memories of being her children . I actually think that my turkey is done , so it is now time to go share the rest of this day with all 5 of mom's children!!!Talk about a blessing !!!I love you all !~ME

1 comment:

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.